There's A Little Bit Of Ted In Everyone of Us

You drowned in the same ocean I am looking at now but on the other side of the world. I think about you still, and it's true that you have taken some part of me with you. And yes, my heart will never be the same. I think we both know that, wherever you are I know you do. But for so long I refused to accept this, to know that you were gone. I kept thinking it was just some other trip, gone indefinite, that you went to. That somehow you will come back for me. I wonder now if you knew for how long I have waited for you. Because I think you were the one.

I can't open myself to this again, and one thing I know without a doubt is that you will haunt me forever. I think this is for the best. Because this is my what-if. I am crushed by the possibility of it all but I am of the opinion that I would never have survived the reality of it. I still miss you but I've found myself going days and weeks and months without thinking about everything, or anything.

I found a picture of you and me today, and that's why I'm doing this. It has been far too long that I've kept holding on to the memory of you, to the world we both imagined and everything we could have had. But that world only has me now, and it has lived only half a life for many years. It is time to lay it down and cover it with earth. It's time to give it a rest, and you-- you need to sleep most of all. You need to be laid down to earth the most. I need to let go of you and all those beautiful dreams. 

But, what struck me the most was how that no matter how much I looked at that picture, i found it to be stained with fresh stains. Stains that come about as a result of the coffee we spilled fighting over something trivial. I also see blood, or is that just ketchup, or some random figment of my imagination that tarnished that perfect image i formed of you.

Argh. Yup, I made a right decision a month ago.

This Cannot Be Healthy - Anarbor

Breathe in deep for me,
'Cause I'll be there for you.
Don't lose sight of me,
'Cause I watch the old tricks.
I won't waste my time,
'Cause I'll be there for you.
So breathe in deep for me.

con el amor, la paz y un poco de helado

  

Jon.