Uncertainty.

7:23 a.m.

The sun is rising.
Been up the whole night.
Why do I put myself through this.
It's not as if hope was there to begin with.
I was just, someone nice.
The hope from possibilities of a million maybes; fading.
It's been said that good will eventually outshine anything else.
It's not that I want to give up.
It's just that, you can only try so hard.

"The heartless once cared too much"
I never believed in the absence of love.
Optimism is a strange lover.
She makes you lead yourself,
Into a brick wall.
Well, maybe I was passive.
Maybe.

So what now.
I don't know.
I honestly don't.
Nothing distracts from the thoughts I can't think.
I don't know.

Well, I could be overthinking.

Again...





Jon.

Let It Burn

Onesh was right.

Those who are heartless once cared too much.

Jon.

"24" - Jonathan Foreman.

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies 
In twenty four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You're raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies 
In twenty four parts.
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.

Strength.

I normally find myself to be quite a strong person.
Emotionally, and mentally.

However, the past few weeks have been nothing short of easy.

Knowing that all I can do is to be patient.
Knowing that I can try as hard as I can and still fail.

It's certainly been one of the hardest periods of my life.

I've been getting along well mostly.

But,
It all fell apart.
As I was talking to my mum,
And she asked her normal "How's things?"
I lost it.
A verbal diarrhea of epic proportions.
I totally broke down.

I've come to realise,
That I don't always have to be strong,
I don't always have to be ok,
I don't always have to carry too many burdens.
It's ok to give in,
It's ok to be scared.

I thank God for good friends.
I thank God for an amazing family.
I thank God.

Jon.

It is the nature of the strong heart, that like the palm tree it strives ever upwards when it is most burdened. - Phillip Sidney

The problem with emotions.

After talking to a friend,
About making decisions when it comes to love,
It suddenly occurred to me that,

That,
The reason why it's so hard,
To make logical decisions,
When it comes to love,
Is because emotions and logic,
Don't make a fine mix.

This may not sound like a great revelation,
But this opens a lot of avenues,
To understanding my past mistakes,
And to making better decisions in the future.

Jon.

“Love is not the absence of logic
but logic examined and recalculated
heated and curved to fit
inside the contours of the heart” 
― Tammara Webber